So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
