Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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