i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
