No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
