What did we do last night that was yellow?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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