Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
