I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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