I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
