Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
