I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
