The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
