I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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