Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
