she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
