dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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