I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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