I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
