I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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