I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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