Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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