how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
