Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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