I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
