The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
