Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
