my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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