I think im going to throw up on grandma
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
