OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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