We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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