It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
