i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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