he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
