Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
