i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
