I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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