I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Even my vagina gasped.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
