i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
