So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
