Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
