Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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