i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
