Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
