Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
