the condom got lost in my hair
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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