What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
