woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
