I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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