There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
