Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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