I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
