when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
