goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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