first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
