mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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