if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
