I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
