if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize