M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
