She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
