The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
