oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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