but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
