I don't remember. Are we still dating?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
