Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
