god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
