I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
