the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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