i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
